I love the idea of being present, even if it is something I consistently struggle with in life and in dance. I have this idea that everything is perfect in the moment, there is no need to worry about the present or the future, but I often find myself getting caught in my own head. I find it is much easier to be present in ballet than modern. I think that is because that has always been the place I could let go of everything and just dance. I am finding that there are times in modern when I can slow down my brain and dance, those are the moments I enjoy.
The identity dance has been one of my favorite assignments so far. I sat down and wrote the first thoughts that came into my head and then did what felt most natural. I am often so concerned about doing things technically wrong that I don't like to take chances. The second time I performed felt so much better. I love speaking and just being able to say the words calmed my nerves a great deal. It was much easier to relax a bit and be myself. I remember when I saw Monica Bill Barnes last year I thought to myself I would really enjoy performing like that. There is something about poking fun at yourself and the art that calms me. When I am silly it is easier to be present. So I wiggled my toes and for the first time felt okay dancing in front of my classmates.
As I expand on this I plan to embrace my silliness and my awkwardness and laugh at myself a bit as I dance. I think this will help me to be honest and when I am honest I can be present.
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